Friday, December 04, 2009


This story is about a soldier who was finally coming home from the war. He called his parents from San Francisco.

Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me.

Sure, they replied, we'd love to meet him.

There's something you should know, the son continued, he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us.

I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live.

No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us.

Son,' said the father, you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own.'

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him until a few days later, however, when they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.


The Indian way of doing Business

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the
third, from China.

They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I
figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.



16 reasons to get drunk at workb

16 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work...

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It leads to more honest communications.

3. It reduces complaints about low pay

4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.

5. It encourages car pooling.

6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

8. It makes fellow employees look better.

9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross."



Monday, November 30, 2009

Words of Wisdom

You cannot

bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.


You cannot

strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.


You cannot

help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.


You cannot

further the brotherhood of man by encouraging class hatred.


You cannot

help the poor by destroying the rich.


You cannot

keep out of trouble by spending more than you earn.


You cannot

build character and courage by taking away man’s initiative and independence.


You cannot

help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.


Abraham Lincon


Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Kids Are Alright, Part 2...

Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy...

9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah.

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.



The Kids Are Alright, Part 1...

Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy...

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinquished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out Tee hee, Brutus.

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.



Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Air Hostess Around the World

Recently this mail was forward to me. Its improving general knowledge! I don’t know if anyone uses this information to make the decision which airline to fly but the person who forwarded this to me definitely told me that based on this there are some airlines HE WOULD NOT fly J biased male testrstrone!


[Raghunandan JAGDISH]



Image removed by sender.




Air Hostess Around the World

Recently this mail was forward to me. Its improving general knowledge! I don’t know if anyone uses this information to make the decision which airline to fly but the person who forwarded this to me definitely told me that based on this there are some airlines HE WOULD NOT fly J biased male testrstrone!


[Raghunandan JAGDISH]



Image removed by sender.




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